After recess, the naughty nine-year olds were all like, "teacher, teacher!" and pointing at the table. A big, black, shiny, round, hairy, spike-leggedy beetle, with big chompy jaws. Poor creature, I thought, trapped inside horrid human classroom. So I let this huge bastard climb onto my hand, which it gripped with disproportionate strength. I whisked it away downstairs to the garden by the parking lot, tailed by two of the boys from class. I'll just let it down gently in the shrubbery, I thought kindly, but when I tried to pluck it off my hand, it HISSED AT ME. I have never heard myself scream like that, a wail of sheer terror, thinking this monster tightening its grip around my wrist was going to sever it, and I'm screaming and it's hissing and the boys are pointing and laughing at me, and I must regain my teacherly composure, so I coaxed it off with a dry leaf on the ground, each of its barbed legs unfastening themselves from my skin.
I found out later that they do not spit poison and kill, but they will pinch you like crabs do.
It is a jungle out there, as ani fule kno.
ReplyDeleteAnd your sweet white skin is a hot meal on the hoof, no fur, no horns, no claws - almost like pudding.
So beware, you planet-saving soft hearted wildlife loving(?) eedjit.
loadsa